Received by Mercedes Kirkel
On June 11, 2014

[Note from Mercedes: This is a personal message Mary gave to me. My father has been recovering from surgery and I was feeling upset about not being included in some decisions relative to his circumstances and care.]

Blessings dear one. This is Mary Magdalene. You are disturbed about what is happening with your father and you are questioning what you have done to create this disturbance, wondering what it is that you are not seeing, and considering how this current situation is what you require for your growth.

These are all very valuable questions. I will do my best to support you with understanding your part in what is happening.

You are about to make a major life change by moving to a distant location. This kind of change affects everyone who has a relationship with you. And it affects your relating to those with whom you are connected, also. That is a great deal of what is happening.

Oftentimes when someone is leaving, there is grief that comes up for those who are connected to that person. This usually begins soon after learning that the person is leaving and can intensify as the departure approaches, especially if the grief is not brought out into the open and discussed by all those involved.

There are two ways that many people have learned to cope with grief, which are really both ways of avoiding the feeling of grief. One is to start to disconnect and remove oneself from the person who is leaving, even before they’re gone. This is a way of protecting oneself. The one who is remaining puts up a psychic wall of separation, which is a way of trying to not feel the pain. The problem with this is that the pain is still there; it’s just covered over by a new layer of defensiveness. The person may be acting as though they don’t need you or don’t want to be involved with you. In truth, the very fact that they’re doing that shows how deeply they are affected by the upcoming loss of their closeness with you.

The second way that people often cope with grief, which again is a form of not feeling the grief, is to get angry with the other person. Often this will manifest as “building a case” against them. Suddenly your feelings toward the other person change and you feel upset about one or more things with this person. Often these are things that weren’t disturbing you in the past, but suddenly become unbearable. This is another way of distancing yourself and creating psychic separation.

If you find yourself or others doing either of these things—suddenly becoming much more angry with the other person or suddenly distancing yourself—you will often find that it’s covering up feelings of hurt. And usually the hurt is not directly related to the issues involved in the anger or the separation, though it may be indirectly related.

In the circumstance that you’re in, both parties are feeling hurt. Your hurt is that you’re worried about your dad not having the care you would like him to have, both in terms of his physical care and handling his physical needs, but also at the emotional and social level. You are very competent at the emotional level, and because of this you’re also able to relate socially very well to your father and the other people he lives with who are older and sick. You are worried that your father’s emotional and social needs won’t get met the way that you would like if you are no longer with him as often as you have been for the last few years.

You are also worried about your dad’s physical care. Your anger is a cover-up for your pain of anticipating that your father’s quality of life will be diminished when you leave.

This is a control issue. You are trying to make things go the way you want them to, the way that you believe they “should” go. But this choice is not really yours to make. It was your father’s choice to be in this situation. You are trying to save him from his choices and it’s not working. In the process you are disturbing yourself and others.

You must come to accept and respect your father’s choices. Your father chose to put his current wife in charge of all aspects of his life. This was more than a choice in this lifetime. This was a choice that was made before he came into this life, in his pre-life state. It was a soul-level choice. In fact, he is still making this choice. Even though he has some level of decline in his mental functioning, he is still choosing to be most closely related to his wife and to trust her to make decisions for him. Even though he complains about some of her choices to you, this doesn’t change the fact that he is continuing to choose to put her in charge of his life.

This is something you must come to accept. He did not choose you. There is pain for you in this, which relates to pain from your childhood about wanting your father to choose you in certain ways and him making other choices. So there is healing for you to do relative to this.

The first step is to come into acceptance of reality. Your father is not choosing you in the way that you would like. You are not in charge of this situation. His wife is in charge and she is making decisions that are different from the ones you would like. All of that must be accepted. It must be accepted in a very deep way, so that your acceptance leads you to the underlying feelings that your resistance and anger are covering over.

Underneath your resistance and anger are great pain—pain that you can’t have the kind of life you would like with your father. Pain from when you were a child that your father didn’t choose you and your family in the way you wanted—and even needed. Instead he chose other things, such as work and keeping busy when he was at home. You have pain that your father left your mother and went on to two other wives, both of whom you didn’t have the same feeling of closeness and family with that you had with your mother. And now you have pain in this present circumstance that’s really a continuation of the old pain, wanting the closeness and family that you never had.

So you are bringing your baggage into this circumstance and you are not aware that you are doing so. You are being given this circumstance so that you can become aware of this baggage and heal it. The path to healing and to growth, as I have described before, is to open to the feeling, which in this case is your pain. Once you’ve opened to the pain, you must let the pain take you to its source within yourself. The source will be found in one or more of your inner divine qualities that are not being fulfilled.

In this circumstance, you are in pain because you want family and inclusion for yourself, and you want family and care for your dad. Do you see how this is related to your moving? By choosing to move away, you are worried that your dad won’t have family and care. You’re also sad that you won’t have family in the way you’ve known with your dad over the last few years, and worried you won’t be included in decisions about his life.

You must grieve. You must grieve that you don’t have the kind of family and inclusion you would like with your father. You must grieve that your father doesn’t have the kind of family and care you would like. How do you grieve? You grieve by feeling how important these things are to you: family, inclusion, and care. Let yourself feel the pain of not having them fulfilled in this circumstance. Do not try to run away from that pain or escape it through anger or separation. Let yourself feel the pain as much and as long as you need to, without deflecting it outward away from yourself, and without blaming yourself or others. Just feel. As soon as you feel ready, take the next step, which is to focus on the inner divine qualities themselves.

Focus on the pure qualities of family, inclusion, and care as these qualities live within yourself, in their wholeness. This is where the real healing will happen, because this is the true source of your pain. You have an internal weakness within yourself relative to your connection to family, inclusion, and care. This is in doubt or in question within yourself. The external situation is merely reflecting your own internal weakness back to yourself. This is where the real healing and growth will occur.

Let yourself feel how much you value the qualities of family, inclusion, and care. Let yourself grieve any feelings of sadness that may arise about these not being fulfilled for you, either in the present or the past. As soon as that grief subsides, let yourself return to the inner divine qualities themselves, as you know them in their wholeness. If you didn’t know the pure qualities of family, inclusion, and care, you wouldn’t feel sad at their loss or deficit. The fact that you’re upset about these qualities not being fulfilled is evidence that you know what it is for them to be fulfilled. So let yourself go into your own inner connection with the qualities of family, inclusion, and care as they live within you, in their already fulfilled state.

When you do this, you will notice that a shift takes place. You come to peace. You are being returned to your own wholeness, which is truly your wholeness in God. This is the work you must do within yourself for your own healing and growth. The “problem” is not outside of you. It is within you. You sensed this when you asked your initial questions about what you have done to create the circumstance you’re experiencing. You have called in this circumstance for your own healing, so that you could do this work and strengthen your own inner connections to family, inclusion, and care. When you have done the work, you then know yourself once again as whole and connected in these arenas. What has actually happened is that you have reconnected to yourultimate family of guides and soul family and God; you have reconnected to being included in the oneness of life; and you have reconnected to the care that God always has for you.

You are feeling this now, aren’t you? The shift in you is obvious. Now you can face the outer situation, because you will be coming from your wholeness and not your woundedness. Now you will have compassion for others, including understanding and awareness of what’s underneath their protective strategies, which is their woundedness and pain. And you will have clarity about what is best for you and for all. You will no longer try to control the situation. You will allow all to have their choices and you will respect those choices. You will trust that they are receiving the opportunities for their healing and growth, just as you are.

I love you, dear one, and I appreciate all the work and intention you put into your growth. You are a shining example of a being who is dedicated to their soul purpose and spiritual unfoldment, and I honor you for that.

In greatest love,

I AM Mary Magdalene