>>> Self-Hate <<<
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Overcoming Prejudice through Self-Love >>>
Q: Do you have any words of wisdom
that would help me rid myself once and for all of the hate and rage I feel toward men? I suspect that a big part of why I
am on earth is to learn to deal with the negative feelings toward men and both understand and be at peace with the differences
between men and women. But, I want to do this without giving up my own
interests and career. I'm tired of having a feeling
of acceptance and love melt in the heat of male aggression. But I'm a professional and, like it or not, am seen as a competitor
by men. The thing is, I appreciate the strength, honor, and purpose in men. It is so different from the same things in women,
but I DO appreciate them.
Do you have an answer to this
question?
A: And we will broaden this to
address not only issues between men and women, but also issues between all people who hate, all people who categorize large
parts of humanity as good or bad.
For you must realize that you
have taken half of humanity and categorized it as other, as bad, as aggressive and harmful. This is a very large group indeed,
a group full of individuals, some of whom may be aggressive, but most of whom are simply going about their
own lives doing
things in the best way that they can, given the circumstances in which they live.
You have taken differences between
you and another group of humans and personalized them, so that everyone who belongs to this group is seen as personally attacking
you. And of course, there may be reasons for this in your own past. You may, in fact, have encountered men who were harmful
toward you, just as in any other situation, one group of people found that they were different from another, in race, religion,
ethnic background, appearance, and then decided that the harm that they suffered at the hands of a few from this group were
to be applied to the group as a whole.
When you are filled with anger
and hatred you are doing deeply harmful things to yourself, in your mind, in your body. You are filling yourself with energies
which eat away at the very foundations of this existence and will inevitably lead to disease, mental and
physical. You
must release all of this and get this poison out of your body by whatever means that it takes. And you may wish to seek help
from a healer if you cannot accomplish this on your own.
Wars are waged from exactly the
same mindset that you are showing here. And even though it feels righteous, even though it feels that you have been the victim,
it is not so. You may have been a victim in some circumstances at some point in your past, but this mindset is now creating
both real and imaginary circumstances which repeat this event or events of the past. You are now living in a world created
by your own hate, and this is not a place you want to live.
But let us be realistic. When
you have allowed this to rage within you for some years, it cannot be easily eradicated. You will need to give yourself time.
And in the meantime, you will need to look at life differently. You will need to set aside the conceptions that you hold and
open yourself up to new ways to view things.
When you are this full of hate,
then the people around you will respond to you in ways which reflect it back to you. And so your first assignment is this.
Learn to be both within and without your body. Learn to act and interact while also stepping outside yourself and
seeing
yourself as if you were someone else. And this viewing person needs to be objective, someone who has no emotions but only
wants to observe.
And so first, watch men as they
interact with other women. And in your case, watch particularly these men interacting with strong women, women you admire.
And watch men as they interact with each other. Are they monsters? No, they are not. They are different, yes, and they may
be more competitive and challenge each other more, but if you watch from an objective distance, you will see that much of
this is gamesmanship, it is just a way they act, a time-honored tradition among men, and not personal at all.
And now, engage in an interaction
yourself. Watch yourself. Do you see yourself being defensive? Do you see yourself overreacting to small things that do not
bother other people? Do you then see how this overreaction causes circumstances that were not there
before, how your reaction
to them, your hatred, your anger, then causes them to defend against you, or even to attack?
And now, take responsibility for
this. Realize that you are mirroring back to yourself those very things that you hate. Realize that your own hatred and fear--for
yes, hatred is fear--is pulling toward you those very things you wish to avoid.
You must go to the causes of fear
within you in your private time. In your morning time alone, you must do two things. You must ask to have help ridding yourself
of fear, the underlying cause of all of the hatred and rage. Ask for help in whatever form is
comfortable to you, help
from God, from the angels, from energy sources dipping down to pull the fear out of your heart and body.
And then after the fear has left
you, replace it with love and forgiveness. And the forgiveness and love do not need to be directed specifically toward men,
for this will be difficult for you at first. They may simply be directed toward releasing yourself of this pain, releasing
yourself of the fear and the focus of your hatred. Ask to be released from this and for love to flow into you and cleanse
you.
And let this love begin with a
love of self, a love for yourself. As you do this, you will find that this is the core of your problems. As you open yourself
up to the universe and ask to be allowed to love yourself deeply, you will feel great difficulty in accepting this love. You
will find that underneath all of the hatred and anger, is a fear that you are not worthy of being treated well. And this then,
is what you must work on.
You must begin with spending time
each day in this way, releasing fear, releasing anger which was caused by the fear, asking to be cleansed and then asking
to be filled with love, sweet love, the unending love of the universe which is there for you. Let it pour in.
Let it fill
you. And one day, you will be filled so full, that you will be able to see your own wonder and beauty; you will be filled
so full that you can allow some of it to overflow and reach out to others.
And as you then go through your
day, remember to watch yourself objectively. Observe your behavior and see if you can begin to change it. Full of love for
yourself, you will find that this then begins to overflow a bit and help you to act respectfully toward others.
You will
find that with enough love filling you, that you can stop taking every little slight so personally. You can begin to realize
that every other human being is just like you. They want recognition, they want to be treated well; they want to feel that
they are
important. Everyone is like this. So do not take it personally when someone else places himself ahead of you
in an attempt to achieve this. It is what you wish for yourself as well. It is not a personal attack. It is what each person
usually does. And you are being treated like everyone else until you personalize it, which is a form of request for the things
that you resent to come flowing toward you.
This is very important. You must
rid yourself of these feelings. And you can do it. Just decide to do it and dedicate at least fifteen minutes--but better
thirty--each morning to your cleansing ritual. And then watch your mind and your actions throughout the day.
Remember, it is not necessary
to love all men. They are individuals. It is not even necessary to love one man. Love yourself. Love yourself and begin to
see the world as a place in which you are welcome. Begin to treat all people with respect. Love yourself
deeply enough
and eventually, over time, you will begin to be ready to love others.
