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Q: Money seems to be one of the lasting stumbling blocks in my life. I have a lot of resistance and angst come up every time I pay the bills and I put it off until I have spent some of the money that needed to go to the bills. While some of my resistance is around the job of paying the bills, crossing the t's and dotting the i's, most of it seems to be around the feeling of lack, having to balance the scales. But when I finish doing this and all is paid and in line I feel really good! I have tried gratitude for what I have, lighting candles, making it a special time. I am still resistant and fearful around this job. Do you have any advice?

The problem with surrounding something with fear is that fear will tend to pull toward you what you fear. So that if you are afraid that you will not have enough money for the bills, it is likely that you will, in fact, come up a bit short.

Money is no different from anything else. It requires a certain amount of balance, a balance between pleasure and discipline, and it requires you to surrender to the universe, to open to the flow, to allow the universe to provide for you in an easy flowing way. Like everything else, a tight controlling fist will make things dry up. An open, flowing attitude will tend to make the universe relax around you and shower you with her bounty.

Ah, but how to do this? First let us address your side of the bargain, the discipline and responsibility. On the one hand, it is possible to get the universe to show you her beautiful and gently abundant side. On the other hand, you must accept responsibility for what you do with this show of generosity. You must accept responsibility for acting in your own best interests, for looking out for opportunities and responding to them. You cannot expect the universe to present you with trick of magic. You cannot expect that by wishing it so, it will be.

What you can expect is that by meditating on abundanceopening yourself gently to the flow by visualizing what you would like, sending it out into the universe and then letting it goopportunities will come your way. But responding to those opportunities is your responsibility. Balancing your life so that you do what you must do, like paying the bills on time, is your responsibility. And in this instance, as you describe in your question, it would
best be dealt with by setting aside the question why and simply doing it.

Sometimes people spend so much time worrying and wondering why they worry about money and run short, or why they cant lose weight, when they should just use the energy that they expend on beating themselves up and questioning why, why, why and instead just do it. Just discipline yourself to pay your bills, save money, eat healthy food, drink water and exercise. Doesn't that sound simple?

Discipline is not torture. It is not a punishment. It is a great gift you give yourself. Lack of discipline is a childish, rebellious thing. It is a part of the powerless child who is a victim, who thinks, I'll get back at them, or Poor me, I dont have enough, and the whole variety of things that powerless children say to themselves.

But dealing with money is an adult activity. It requires that you accept life as it is, with deep understanding. Today, you have the debts you have, you have the income you have, and you need to get past the anxiety and shame and blame of it all and just accept it, look at it and understand it. If there is knowledge you need to gather, then do so. But if it is just discipline that you need to put in place, cutting up those credit cards and spending less while you pay off those bills, then just do it. Just realize that you are a responsible adult, take a deep breath and promise yourself that you will create a life of abundance, within the context of adult choices and decisions, within the context of responsibility and self-accountability.

This is your side of the bargain. And then, gently ask the universe to send a few more opportunities your way. Let the universe know you are serious, that you are a responsible adult and you truly wish to straighten things out, for once and for all. This is a very powerful signal, the establishment of discipline. Set aside one day a week in which you will pay the bills and do it religiously, just as you would follow an exercise program. Set out the program and do not allow yourself to make excuses. Does it make you anxious? Does it fill you with fear? Do it anyway.

You see, the best possible antidote for unreasonable fear is action. If it frightens you, then do it anyway, and after a time the fear will recede. Fear is a bully and if you face him down he will turn and run. The antidote to fear is action and the antidote to doubt is faith, a belief in yourself and your capabilities. Fill yourself with belief, take a deep breath and just do it. No excuses. And after a time, fear will lose his hold on you.

Frankly, it does not matter why you feel this way. There could be many, many influences on you, from your family, from society, from personal experiences. What matters is that you accept responsibility for changing this, overcome your fear and just do it. And then also invite the universe to participate in the process.

And remember, even here, it is your responsibility to follow through. The universe will respond in very subtle ways, with ideas which come to you, with articles in magazines that you somehow feel compelled to read, with people at parties who walk up and say things to you that give you a piece of information or an introduction or an offer that you need at that moment. If you invite the universe to shower you with her bounty during your meditations, these things will begin to happen.

But still, you will need to follow through. You will need to take the suggestions, be brave and meet new people, try out new things. In other words, you will need to break through the bars of your prison of fear.

And what a wonderful thing that is. What joy to be so free that you can actually have an idea and then just follow through and try it out. Without worrying for days and days while the opportunity passes you by. Without having to build up your courage to do the simplest little thing. In the beginning, you will need much courage to act and follow through on what the universe brings to you. But if you do this, if you just do it even though it frightens you to make that phone call to that stranger, walk up and talk to a new person, sign up for a class where you think you might look foolish, if you will just do it anyway, the universe will respond with more strength. Your action will be the spur which keeps the flow of abundance heading our way.

If, on the other hand, all you do is meditate and ask for help, but when the opportunities are put in front of you, you turn away in fear, after a time, there will be fewer opportunities. In the end, you are responsible. But being a responsible adult is very empowering. That is why you feel so good after you pay those bills. That is the way an adult feels. Responsible. In charge. Powerful.

So set childish things aside. Set aside those old resentments. It no longer matters who was to blame for the way you have been for years. All that matters is that you are responsible now, this moment, right now. And set aside fear. Fear is your enemy. He gives very bad advice. And his sidekick doubt is always there softening you up, making you more open to the lies that fear spreads.

You are powerful. You can accomplish what you wish to accomplish. And an abundant, open and loving universe stands ready to help you. Just believe in yourself, ask for help and then respond. It is very simple. And as you gradually learn to drive fear away, it will actually become easy and joyful as well.

"Positive thinking is really just the absence of negative thinking and then the ability to dare, to act, to take responsibility for moving yourself forward in some way. Hoping and dreaming without action is not positive."

Hope is a form of dreaming and expectation. You hope that you will be chosen for the prize and you are disappointed if you are not. You hope that you will get the promotion. You worry that you will not, but you hope you will. And your present is filled with worry and your future holds within it the very real possibility of great disappointment. And when you do not get what you expected, not only did you experience the disappointment, but you also lost the present you might have had, the enjoyment you might have had in the present moment, which you wasted by hoping and worrying.

Having a positive attitude is not this. Daydreaming, hoping and worrying over what might and might not happen are not helpful to you. And they are not positive.


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