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"Why I am still not married"
1.) Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence
(a
life sentence).
2.) Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore
marriage
is an institution for the blind.
3.) Marriage is an institution in which a man loses
his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Masters.
4.)Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
- In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and
the woman listens.
- In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man
listens.
- In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.
5.) Getting married is very much like going to the
restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and
when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you
had
ordered that instead.
6.) There was this man who muttered a few words in
the church and found himself married. A year later he
muttered something in his sleep and found himself
divorced!
7.) Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is
the
alarm clock.
8.) When a newly married man looks happy, we know
why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we
wonder why.
9.) When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
10.) Eighty percent of married men cheat in America,
the rest cheat in Europe.
11.) After marriage, husband and wife become two
sides
of a coin.
They just can't face each other, but still they stay
together.
12.) Marriage is when man and woman become one.
The
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
13.) WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave
the hallway light on.
14.) At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The
other replied, YES, I AM, I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
15.) A man in love is incomplete until he gets married,
then he is finished.
16.) It doesn't matter how often a married man changes
his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17.) When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car
or the wife is new.
18.) I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I
feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a
housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
19.) Do you know what it means to come home at night
to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little
affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in
the wrong
house, that's what it means.
20.) If you want to read about love and marriage
you've
got to buy two separate books.
21.) Marriage - A word which should be pronounced
"mirage."
22.) Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by
marriage.
23.) Put this on your bedroom wall >>> EXCUSE
ME
COULD YOU PLEASE SAY THAT AGAIN I DON'T BELIEVE
I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY LISTEN JUST WHO THE HELL DO
YOU THINK
YOU ARE FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO BE YOUR SERVANT DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME IN THAT
TONE OF VOICE I GUESS
WE JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE
TOGETHER THAT'S ALL I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU
THAT'S RIGHT YOU HEARD ME THAT'S NOT
MEANT TO BE A
THREAT WE'RE JUST IN DIFFERENT TIMES IN OUR LIFE
OK GO AHEAD THEN LEAVE I'LL HELP YOU PACK YOUR BAGS
I GUESS WE DON'T NEED TO BE TOGETHER OH THAT'S CUTE
REAL CUTE I DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR ---
24.) I can see from your utter misery, from your
eagerness
to misunderstand each other, and from
your thoroughly bad temper, that this is the real thing.
25.) We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner
apart,
we take separate vacations - we're doing
everything we can to keep our marriage together.
26.) I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury.
27.) The Professor of Gynaecology began his course
of lectures as follows: Gentlemen, woman is an
animal that micturates once a day, defecates once
a week, menstruates
once a month, parturates once
a year and copulates whenever she has the opportunity.
28.) In the beginning, said a Persian poet - Allah
took a rose, a lily, a dove, a serpent, a little
honey, a Dead Sea apple, and a handful of clay.
When he looked
at the amalgam - it was a woman.
29.) If all the harm that women have done
Were
put in a bundle and rolled into one,
Earth would not hold it, The sky could not enfold it,
It could not be lighted
nor warmed by the sun.
30.) Guys, if you must marry, marry a archaeologist,
The advantage of being married to an archaeologist
is that the older one grows the more interested
he becomes.
31.) You see, dear, it is not true that woman was
made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone.
32.) God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease
from that moment - but many other things ceased as well.
Woman was God's SECOND mistake.
33.) A woman's chief asset is a man's imagination.
34.) Just Kidding! Folks , - the above could
also be said of of the men ...
