Q: I read about the violet flame and asking the
angels to bathe the one who has hurt us in that mystical violet light so that they also may share a sense of freedom from
burden, even if they don't know why. I am really fighting doing this as I don't really want this person to feel freedom from
burden. I realize that it has to do with forgiveness and anger, but I am alone and facing difficulties, while he is out dating
and looking for someone else that is younger and more attractive, and justifying that he has found something better. I believe
he has found his release from burden. Please help!
Do you have an answer to this question?
Yes, forgiveness is very important, but it is
probably a bit too much to ask you to extend the grace of happiness toward someone who has hurt you so deeply and so recently.
At this point, your anger is more genuine, and trying to mask it over and pretend that it is not there would do you more harm
than good.
It is good not to be angry, but when you are
and it has taken over your emotions, you must recognize it and deal with it, not bury it and pretend to be sending love and
forgiveness to someone when you do not feel it. And so you are right to recognize your internal struggle, to refuse to do
what is running contrary to your internal feelings at this moment.
But you must also learn to recognize that carrying
about a stone of unforgiveness in your own heart is corrosive, is an enormous burden. For this lack of forgiveness keeps you
focused on the past instead of on your own life and the wonders which are all around you in this moment.
And so I would ask you to think of forgiveness
differently. Think of it not as a power you are sending to someone else, that makes their life better; think of it as a lifting
of something corrosive and poisonous from your own life. Think of forgiveness just as a gentle release of what was and a movement
into what is. Think of forgiveness just as a cleansing and purification of your own life.
And stay in this state for as long as you need
to before you focus on sending any love or energy toward the other person. First, heal yourself. First, clear yourself of
the burden of anger and hurt and betrayal. This must happen first before any flow of love toward the other person will truly
be genuine.
These feelings of anger and betrayal and hurt
are hurting you, are harming you, are eating away at your own peace. You must clear them from you. Not for him, but for yourself.
You must release the past and all that happened there, release your wishes for things to be a certain way, release all of
those old hopes and dreams you had counted on so much, and just come into what is. You must accept life as it is, exactly
as it is, unburdened by what you had wanted it to be. Unburdened by the anger and betrayal you feel of the promises made and
broken.
All of that may be true. You may have been hurt
deeply. He may have betrayed you. But it was as it was and now it is as it is. And you have a choice. You can continue to
live in the past, focused on him and what he did, focused on what you have lost, or you can accept that things are now how
they are and move into the present.
And here in, in the present, you will see that
there are challenges, yes, but there are also blessings. And once you free yourself from what you had wanted it to be like,
you will find that the present is not such a bad place after all. It is simply different from what you wanted it to be. But
move into it, observe it and see what it is really like, and it will begin to offer up its wonders to you. Let yourself actually
live a day within the day, focusing only on what is in front of you, not what is behind you, and you will find that there
is more of wonder and beauty and opportunity surrounding you than you had realized.
And as for him and his supposed freedom, the
life you believe he is living, without the burdens and challenges you have, let it go. First, you do not know his heart and
his life. Secondly, it is not relevant in any case. You are living your life. You are making choices within your life every
moment of every day. Make these choices based on what you would like for yourself, how you would like to see your life evolving
and growing. Make your choices on what wonderful positive things you wish to create for yourself, not on some twisted view
of what might repay him for his betrayal and infidelity.
Let all that go. It is no longer your concern.
You have a life on your own and it is as good as you will allow it to be. You are creating this life each moment. The future
is flowing out of now, this moment. And if you fill this moment with an open acceptance and appreciation of what it truly
is, if you fill it with love and appreciation and acceptance, then the future life you are creating will be good. If you fill
it with bitterness and anger, then this will carry over into the future you are creating in this moment.
The future is not some distant thing. It is the
very next moment and it rolls directly out of this moment. Fill this moment with beauty and this will carry over into the
next moment and the next and so on until suddenly you awaken one day and realize that you are no longer angry, no longer bitter;
instead you are actually full of peace and enjoying your new life. And with the passage of more healing time, you will begin
to see that all of this was right, was just as it should have been, for it was necessary in order for you to move on to the
next stage of your own life. And at that point, when you have filled your own heart with peace, when you are actually in love
with your own life as it blossoms and opens before you each day, then it will be a very simple thing to send love and forgiveness
to him.
So begin with yourself, loving yourself. Be certain
that you are not blaming yourself for what happened, that you are not feeling that you caused it in some way by being unworthy
of the life you had envisioned. Cleanse yourself of this blame. Realize that the negative feelings you have toward him probably
have some foundation in a fear deep inside you, a fear that you are unworthy of the greater blessings in life and a fear of
making it on your own. Neither of these is true. You are perfect just as you are, standing exactly where you need to be standing
in order to take the next step in your life. You are deeply loved and deeply worthy and surrounded by help on every side.
Love yourself. Accept yourself. Forgive yourself for any feelings you have that you caused this problem, that you were not
somehow good enough. You are enough. You are more than enough.
And you are also strong and capable and more
than enough for the challenges which lie before you. Move your focus out of anger and the past and into now and see the opportunities
sparkling all around you. Things are not as you had once hoped they would be, but they are as they are, and as they are, they
are sparkling with possibility. Yes, it is different from what you had thought, but it is good. Accept. Observe. Understand
how things truly are. Then look around and see the diamonds buried in the grass, sparkling all around you. See all of the
things you might do to make this moment and then the next the best they can possibly be.
Give yourself time to heal. When you are feeling
low, just breathe deeply and fill yourself with cleansing energy. Let angels hover over you and pour out the cleansing waters
of love. They are above you now, each with a gleaming silver pitcher full of this love, the sweet waters of unending love.
Let them pour it out over you and know that you are loved deeply. You are not alone. There is help everywhere.
You will be fine. You will do well. Do not force
yourself to try to feel what you do not feel. Just let yourself heal, come into now and live. Release the old and welcome
the new. Let yourself heal at whatever pace you naturally heal. You will be fine.
