Blossom

My Passage Into 2014

January 2, 2014 | Author Mercedes Kirkel

Photo courtesy of Jessie Eastland

By Mercedes Kirkel
January 1, 2014

I was anticipating the Christmas holidays being difficult this year because that’s what I experienced at Thanksgiving. As it turned out, I had a lovely Christmas, though markedly different from any other. From what I’ve heard from others, the unusualness of this holiday season seemed to be true for many people.

There was one event that particularly stands out for me. I was having a special dinner with my father on Christmas Eve, just the two of us eating alone in his room at his assisted living home. We were having a wonderful time, when one of the residents began to have a medical emergency. While eating her meal in the dining room, a piece of food became lodged in her throat and she couldn’t get it out. She wasn’t choking and was able to breathe and talk, but couldn’t release the food.

The woman was brought into the bathroom, which was directly opposite my dad’s open door. Since I was facing the hallway, I was able to see and hear everything that was going on. The attendants tried the Heimlich maneuver several times but to no avail. So the paramedics were called and in marched seven firemen. My dad was completely oblivious to the whole brouhaha, because his back was to the door and his hearing is quite limited. Since the woman didn’t appear to be in any danger, I decided not to tell him what was happening. I guessed it would disturb him and I wanted him to continue to enjoy our special time together.

As for me, I felt like I was in a surreal scene, which reminded me of a Fellini movie. I was simultaneously engaged in a calm, joyful dinner with my father and a swirl of medical commotion that was like a scene out of “ER.” The interesting thing was that I had no problem being fully present for both realities simultaneously.

Reflecting back now, I see this as a mirror of what’s happening for many of us at this time. We find ourselves walking between worlds, holding more than one reality or “timeline” at the same time as we transition into our next phase of higher consciousness. What struck me about the Christmas Eve event was how easeful it was for me to embrace both at the same time and how comfortable I was simply allowing my experience to unfold however it would. It reminds me of Mary Magdalene’s advice in Mary Magdalene Beckons to surrender to the process of transformation like women have learned to do through the natural childbirth movement. And I do believe we are all in the midst of a birth—of ourselves and our world—into the new age ahead.

After dinner that night, my dad and I watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” together. My dad can’t really follow a plot in a movie any longer, so I explained to him what was happening in every scene. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, but I sensed my father was sticking with it for my sake. At the end he announced, “That was a very impractical movie!” I laughed, knowing that he meant “unrealistic.” I explained my point of view, how it’s an allegory, but perhaps more true than we realize. He relaxed hearing what I had to say, probably mostly because he was happy the movie was over and we were together.

Then my dad did something that felt so endearingly tender and vulnerable—he asked me to tuck him into bed. I remembered all the times as a child he had tucked me into bed. This was the first time he’d ever asked to receive this beautiful ritual from me. Tucking him into bed was really the peak of my Christmas, the most beautiful present I received. I was brimming over with bliss to be able to express our shared love through that simple act.

Right after Christmas I became sick for the second time in the past month. I was surprised and annoyed, feeling unwilling to surrender my plans for the remainder of the holidays to sickness again. Nonetheless, as the sickness took hold I became increasingly dysfunctional with each passing day. By New Year’s Eve, I’d finally let go of all attempts to be productive (which is really tough for me!). Other than a wonderful “Global Group Hug” I participated in through meditation, I spent the day surfing the computer and lying on the couch watching delightful old movies. To my surprise, by nighttime, I actually felt a lot better.

I went to bed with a deeply felt prayer that I may turn everything over to God (including my somewhat compulsive drive for doing my work), allow God to direct my life for the highest good, and profoundly trust that process. I woke up on New Year’s morning feeling like a new version of me—filled with energy and excitement for my projects ahead. Yippeeeeee!!!!! I love that feeling.

I was reminded of Jimmy Stewart’s character in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” suddenly getting his life back and realizing how great it was. The death-rebirth symbolism was hard to miss, as well as the personal lesson that it’s all about surrender to and trust in God, rather than trying to push the river with my ego. Not an easy one for me, as I’m such a dedicated doer. But maybe I’m finally ready to accept this level of letting go into God as the basis of my life. I deeply hope so.

I ask for everyone’s blessings who is reading this, that this “turning of the wheel” into 2014 may mark my transition into living profoundly in surrender, trust, and faith in God. And I send my blessings to all of you – all who are reading this, all my friends and family, and all members of the family of humanity – that we may all receive the gifts we most need as completely as possible; that we may move fully into our next level of embodying our human-divinity; and that our world may become an increasingly blessed and beautiful realm of human consciousness and love for all, by all.

So be it!

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				*Blossom*

My Passage Into 2014

By Mercedes KirkelJanuary 1, 2014

By Mercedes Kirkel
January 1, 2014