Received by Mercedes Kirkel
On December 12, 2014

[Note this dialog is from a private session with a client on her birthday.]

Question: I feel like there’s something bigger that I’m not allowing myself to step into. It’s like I’m pinching the flow of what is ready to come in that would allow me to step into my greater self and greater potential, and to really tap into who I came here to be. What can I do to open this flow and allow it in, so that I can experience the grandest version of who I came to be? How can I continue to allow it to expand infinitely, so that I may be an even greater light, and help others in the process?

Mary Magdalene: What are the indications in your life that you are shutting down or pinching the flow?

Questioner: I feel like I’m on the edge of something and I’m kind of keeping myself back and not letting myself step off—a little bit out of fear, out of being unsure what would happen if I truly just let it be all it can be.

Mary Magdalene: Then you must go into the fear and find out what you are afraid of. What are you needing for your own safety or security in this circumstance? Are you aware of what you are afraid of?

Questioner: Not specifically. I think I’m afraid of the tremendous feeling that comes with it. I know it’s all good. But there’s that human part of myself that holds on, thinking, “Oh dear, what will that feel like?”

Mary Magdalene: Are you afraid of being overwhelmed by the feelings, afraid that too much energy or too much light will blow your circuits or obliterate you?

Questioner: No, I’ve done that to myself on purpose before. I guess it’s the euphoria or something like that that I would feel.

Mary Magdalene: Why is that scary to you?

Questioner: I don’t know. I feel like I’m just keeping myself from doing it. What I feel I need to do is just let go. But I don’t quite do it. So I want to know if there’s something else I could do to let go.

Mary Magdalene: There are always two parts to this process. You could look at these two parts as the more Masculine part of yourself and the more Feminine part of yourself. The Masculine part is the part that challenges you, stretches you to grow and to transcend your limits. When you say, “I could just do it,” or “I could just go for it,” that is true. That is the Masculine part of yourself that would be choosing that kind of response.

It sounds like it is the Feminine part of yourself that is not entirely ready, not entirely on board with the program of just doing it. The Feminine part is your feeling and nurturing part.

It is true that you could just go for it, but that may not be for your ultimate good in this moment. If something is holding you back, it is probably something that is not ready, something that is calling your attention. Sooner or later you will need to respond to that call, to attend to that part of yourself that needs something from you. You could choose to not attend to it in this circumstance, but sooner or later you are going to need to give it your attention. It won’t go away. It stays there.

From my point of view, it is advantageous to address that if that is what is coming up. Any time something is coming up in your life, it’s an indication of your path of growth. To simply override it is to not listen to your path of growth.

Does what I am saying make sense to you?

Questioner: Yes. I didn’t look at it that way.

Mary Magdalene: If there is fear there, I suggest that you discover what the fear actually is—and what the source of the fear actually is—and attend to that. When that is included in the process, then your energy is free, and your attention and energy field are open to empower the Masculine part of yourself to go for it and to expand into this new growth, this next step. It is a much more empowered place to come from, a whole place to come from. This is my recommendation to you. Connect with this part of yourself, which it sounds like you are not fully connected to at this time.

If you like, I could support you in seeing if you can connect with that part of yourself, to get more clarity of what that part is and what your steps might be to actually embrace that part.

Questioner: Yes, that would be good.

Mary Magdalene: The two places to always look to are your emotions and your body. Connect with the emotions and see if you can sense the feeling in this moment. If it is fear or if it’s a different feeling, whatever the feeling is, see if you can allow it and open to it. As part of that, it may be helpful to notice if there’s a particular place in your body, as well as a particular experience or sensation that you’re having with this. All those things will give you the place that you can work from.

Are you able to connect with one or more of those, the feeling or sensation, and the location in your body where this feeling is occurring?

Questioner: Yes.

Mary Magdalene: Can you describe what you experience?

Questioner: I don’t get a specific emotion. I just feel constriction in my shoulders, particularly the right side, across the upper part of my shoulders.

Mary Magdalene: Allow yourself to go into that feeling, to what you sense is the very center of that feeling, if you’re able, and see what you notice, what comes up when you do that.

Questioner: What I see is a little dark spot that says, “Unknown.” I’m generally not too afraid of the unknown.

Mary Magdalene: Mm-hmm. So how do you feel about this unknown?

Questioner: It’s a small unknown. It’s not a big spot. It makes me feel a little teary. Then it kind of stops. Like I said, I’m not usually afraid of the unknown. I do things that the average person doesn’t do.

Mary Magdalene: It doesn’t really matter what you usually do, what your history is, what your perception of yourself is. What matters is what’s occurring right now.

Questioner: OK. Well I’m not fully sure what this little unknown thing is.

Mary Magdalene: Ask it what it is.

Questioner: I’m not getting much other than the feeling of wanting to cry.

Mary Magdalene: Can you let yourself cry?

Questioner: Yeah. I don’t know if I can do it right now but I can do it.

Now it’s moved to my heart area.

Mary Magdalene: Mm-hmm. And what do you notice with that? What do you experience with that?

Questioner: It’s a tightness and constriction.

Mary Magdalene: How does that feel to you?

Questioner: Uncomfortable.

Mary Magdalene: Ask the constriction what the constriction means.

Questioner: The words that come to mind are “letting go of who I think I am and embracing who I think I really am.”

Mary Magdalene: Ask it who you really are.

Questioner: The answer I always get to that is “I’m a child of God.”

Mary Magdalene: How do you feel about letting go of your ideas of yourself and becoming a child of God?

Questioner: Letting go is uncomfortable. I hold on to the comfortable, even though I’ll step out into the uncomfortable.

Mary Magdalene: What is uncomfortable about becoming a child of God?

Questioner: Stepping out of the familiarity of what I’ve always known and thought. Even though I know who I am, the life I live doesn’t represent that. There’s a part of me that asks, “Why me?” Then there’s another part of me that embraces who I am and says, “This is who you came here to be.” So I have a little internal struggle over that.

Mary Magdalene: Let’s talk to the part of you that is resisting being the child of God. Tell us why you’re resisting this.

Questioner: I feel loss when I think of letting go of that part. Like shedding or walking out of the costume I’ve been wearing.

Mary Magdalene: What would you lose in doing that?

Questioner: Really nothing. But I guess that ego part of myself that doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want to disappear.

Mary Magdalene: Name those parts. What are the parts?

Questioner: The little girl who’s insecure … or doesn’t feel good enough … or doesn’t feel worthy.

Mary Magdalene: You’re going to lose her?

Questioner: She’ll no longer be necessary. I guess in a way it’s a loss. It’s like a death. That brings up a little panic, a little tension.

Mary Magdalene: It sounds more like abandonment than loss.

Questioner: That’s a good word—yes.

Mary Magdalene: It sounds like she’s not ready to disappear.

Questioner: Not quite. She’s holding on by a tiny bit. Not much, but enough to hook me.

Mary Magdalene: Are you coming from a place of thinking you should be able to completely let go of her?

Questioner: No. Actually I didn’t even think of it this way until we were talking. So this is just coming up.

Mary Magdalene: Let’s talk to the little girl. Ask her what she feels about you becoming a child of God.

Questioner: Alone … left behind … no one to watch over her. Scared … in a dark place.

Mary Magdalene: Is it possible that you could take her with you?

Questioner: Yes. It just got lighter when you said that.

Mary Magdalene: Do you want to invite her to come with you?

Questioner: Yes, that would be a good idea. It would benefit both of us.

Mary Magdalene: Why don’t you do that, however you want—silently or out loud.

Questioner: I see her running up to me and hugging me with excitement, ready to go.

Mary Magdalene: (laughing) She might beat you there!

Questioner: (laughing) Now I see her pulling me by the hand. That’s really cool! I’ve never done that. That’s awesome. Thank you.

Mary Magdalene: That is very wonderful. She will be a great ally. You can listen to her.

Questioner: Yes. Thank you.

Now I feel all tingly! Now the tears are excitement. Cool! (laughing) That was fun.

Mary Magdalene: A wonderful birthday present! Happy birthday to your little girl.

Questioner: Yes, she’s very excited. I see her jumping up and down, like the little kid she is.

Even though I have the knowledge and all the information that I have, I feel inside that there’s this little curious child in me that wants to play. Now it feels like she’s really free. She’s not afraid anymore.

Mary Magdalene: Many people have the idea that spirituality is a very serious thing, a very adult thing. Yet Yeshua loved children. In some ways, he was more in his element with children than anywhere else.

Questioner: It’s pure.

Mary Magdalene: Pure, absolutely.

Questioner: I’ll take her purity and her excitement and let her run with it, because she’s pulling anyway. (laughter)

Mary Magdalene: (laughing) Yes, yes. Let that open your heart and passion and energy, and feed you and delight you. The spiritual process is absolutely about delight—and joy, play, and pleasure.

Questioner: I feel that a lot more. So now it will be really that way because she’s not in there holding that little part of fear.

Mary Magdalene: Absolutely! Do you feel how much more attractive you will be in the world and how much more powerful you will be from this place of fullness?

Questioner: Yeah! That’s amazing! Thank you so much. I feel freer.

Mary Magdalene: You are so welcome.