30 Lines to make you Smile
1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences...
She thought she was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard
Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used
to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous
because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for
10.. I'm not a complete idiot, Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts;
Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with
a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but
it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith
30.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.