Cleveland Area Barbie Dolls

Dancing Queens


What neighborhood are you from?
Northeast Ohio Barbie Dolls
 Beachwood Barbie:
 This princess Barbie is only sold at Legacy Village. She
 comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus,
 a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a huge, mostly
 unoccupied house. Available with or without tummy tuck and
 face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
 "augmented" version.
 East 55th Barbie:
 This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
 Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy on rims with tinted windows and her
 own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be
 paid for only in cash...preferably small, untraceable bills.
 Unless you're a cop - then we don't know what you're talking
 Lake Avenue Barbie:
 This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or
 a souped up Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup,
 credit card and country club membership. Also available for
 this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you
 can't afford them anyway.
 Grafton Barbie:
 This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two
 sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a rose on
 her shoulder. She has big hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a
 Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can
 kick Mullet-Haired Kenny doll's butt when she's drunk.
 Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate
 flag bumper stickers absolutely free. This model can also be
 applied to Elyria, Brunswick, Garfield Heights and Medina.
 Warehouse District Barbie:
 This collagen-injected, saline-implant-sporting Barbie wears a
 leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she
 entertains friends at the Spy Bar. Percocet prescription
 Coventry Barbie:
 This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and
 archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and four
 cats. She prefers that you call her "Willow."
 Lakewood Barbie:
 This doll comes in two varieties. One comes complete with the
 official "I *finally* moved out of my parents house in Rocky
 River" email to her old sorority sister, a cell phone, and she
 sports clothing from the Limited and Express. She has
 perfectly coifed hair (done at Charles Scott) and fresh makeup.
 You may also buy the matching Jeep Cherokee and Around
 the Corner bar sets. Lakewood doll number 2 has black hair,
 black eyeliner, 2 black leather outfits and combat boots. She
 comes with exchangeable body jewelry (6 piercings in all!), a
 dog collar and her own issue of the Free Times! She, too, has
 optional sets of the Chamber or the Mission for purchase.
 Clifton Barbie:
 This Barbie is best friends with the newest doll, Gay Kenneth.
 She comes with a variety of outfits from corporate styles (for
 her job downtown) to club (for dancing with G.K. at Bounce).
 She even has her own miniature RTA pass, because she
 commutes to work. Do not forget her pet Shih Tzu, Sasha. She
 prances him around the It's It Cafe to meet Kenneth and friends
 William, Preston and Marcus.
 Parma Barbie:
 This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of
 high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she
 chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of Club Dance. Her
 make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in
 a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise
 acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick
 out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories
 include: Five-year-old Chevy Cavalier equipped with
 cassette-player for her Bon Jovi tapes, and vanity plate that
 reads: HOT STUF.
 Akron Barbie:
 This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in
 1982. She comes with giant shoulder pads, dark polyester
 skirt, white pantyhose, sneakers, and a bi-level haircut.
 Alternate outfit comes complete with stirrup pants, big shirt
 and five-inch wide belt. Lace-trimmed anklets socks extra.
 Youngstown Barbie:
 This Barbie will NEVER leave the Youngstown area, so don't
 think of buying her unless you live there. I mean, why leave
 Youngstown, when it has every thing one would ever need?
 This Barbie does not date Ken though, she dates the newest
 line of Barbie men, the Galucci family (includes Vito, Vinnie,
 Tony and Guido). She comes dressed in a "sharp" outfit from
 the Southern Park Mall and will always have the latest cute
 hair style. Youngstown Barbie's optional accessories include a
 Chevy Cavalier (her father works at Lordstown) with a YSU
 bumper sticker, and a Pittsburgh Steelers throw blanket.

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